I wish more doctors were like this…

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No, not hot and gay, but creative and passionate. Dr. Daskalakis goes to clubs in NYC where gay men engage in risky activity and vaccinates them against a new threat–a deadly strain of meningitis that seems to be targeting gay men. Not a lot is known about the disease, other than it’s story is playing out like the HIV/AIDS epidemic, hitting drug users and gay men. All we really know is that dying of a swelling of the lining of your spine and brain sucks, and Dr. Daskalakis is working to stop it. He’s being provided with free vaccines, to go where others can’t, and vaccinate at risk populations. Go doctor!

Read the full story in The New York Times.

Blog tour, what blog tour?

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So… I scheduled a blog tour for The Vampire’s Gallery a while ago. I’ve learned a few things:

1: A month is too bloody long. (On #NALitChat it was suggested three weeks max, two better).

2: Filling out eight or so interviews doesn’t seem like ton of work but it is. After a while I ran out of what I hoped were endearing/clever things to say.

3: You need to promote it. If Twitter leaves you feeling all thumbs and FB BURN IT WITH FIRE you might be better off spending your money on something else. May I suggest gin? New Amsterdam has that nice “physically assaulted by a pine tree” flavor I go for in my gin.

I know it sounds all doom and gloom. The good things? I got an awesome review, thanks to Courtney at Optimistic Mommy. The people at Sizzling PR are super responsive. Like, if you have good social network, go talk to them. If I had to do it again, I’d wait until everything was published before scheduling, and then do, at max, a two week tour. I would go with someone else to. The reality is, I don’t think the blogs I was scheduled at received a lot of traffic, and so my book didn’t get a lot of traction. I was going to give away some prizes too, but that all seemed to fall through the cracks.

The Quest for Magnificent Meatloaf

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Before we begin, may I suggest that you who live in a home find a bit of dirt and stick some thyme in it? It grows like weed, and you can pick it in the winter. Altogether a lovely herb. I throw a few fresh sprigs in everything.

Now, like any quest for the perfect food, you need a good base. For me that’s Martha Stewart’s Classic Meat Loaf recipe. The mix of meats she recommends is perfect, as are the meat/veggie/bread ratios. I wouldn’t make this with less that the 2.25 lbs of meat recommended (the onions will kick you in the teeth otherwise), but you could certainly play with what meats you use! I dispense with the parsley altogether and substitute the divine thyme. I normally grab around 5 or 6 sprigs. I also save the heels from loaves of bread to make my crumbs (5 should be plenty).

I know, that’s disappointing, a Martha recipe and a substitution of thyme for parsley–but wait, there’s more!

Getting everything the right size and mixed well makes a difference. I like a food processor and a giant honking bowl. After you have you 2.5 cups of crumbs in your giant bowl, add your carrot, celery, thyme, and garlic to the food processor. If you’re tempted to do more than two cloves, I’d resist this time. Do a couple of quick pulses, just to get everything a little coarser, and then add the onion. If you add everything all at once, you’ll liquefy the onion while trying to get the carrot and celery nice and small.

My next deviation in the recipe involves making the sauce. Now, in the name of dirtying as few dishes as possible, I use a 1 cup container to measure the breadcrumbs. I then add about 1/4 a cup of ketchup to that, and get it into the bowl. Next, I add a little under a 1/2 cup of ketchup to the measuring cup. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, we’re making our glazing sauce in that measuring cup. I like to add mustard/Worcestershire sauce/Sriracha to both portions. I don’t measure! Sometimes it comes out spicier than others. Don’t forget to add the brown sugar to the glaze (I use some amount).

To mix stuff well, I tear little hunks off the meat, half of each kind, stir everything around, then tear up the remainder before getting all, “Yeah, meatloaf, squish, ah-huh.” I don’t actually say that. If anything I’m wishing I had a hand free for my Yuengling.

Here we’ve come to my last deviation–I like a free standing meatloaf. I generally set this up before I get all meat-fisted. Put some foil on a baking sheet, shiny side up, and spray it with Pam. You’d think meatloaf would be self-lubricating, but it sticks like a bitch! Now, form a loaf. I couldn’t tell you the dimensions of the ones I make beyond that I pat it into a pleasing shape. Now paint it all over with that tasty glaze.

I think it cooks quicker not in a loaf pan, but I normally leave it in for the full hour and twenty minutes because the ketchup gets tasty. It should be good in a hour (I’d whip out your thermometer and double check, as ovens do deviate).

Free For Two Day: Gutter Punk

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Gutter PunkTod has some relationship hang-ups after his last break up. Things are moving crazy fast with Carla, and before he knows it, he’s off the streets and living like a king. What will Carla do when she finally finds out why he ran away? And will Tod be able to adjust to a life of luxury.

Featuring a shopping spree any romcom would be envious of, Tod and Carla continue their whirlwind romance.

Free on Amazon from 4/25/13-4/26/13!

Free For Two Days: Love on the 500

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Love on the 500Carla is bad at keeping her hands to herself on the bus. One day she manages to ass grab her way into a date with a cute gutter punk. Join this twitchy scientist as she navigates the difficulties of the dating world and hot boy who just needs a shower.

Based in Steel City, this unconventional tale of love at first grope is sure to amuse.

Get it free on Amazon, from 4/23/13 to 4/24/13!

Vinegar and Honey: The Asshole Author in the Age of Social Media

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I went through this phase where I would stay up all nice watching IFC (sleeping has never been a skill of mine). I saw a lot of weird shit. The film, Naked Lunch, still stood out for it’s strangeness. It was my first introduction to William S. Burroughs, an author I loved in my late teen/early twenties. Not that I don’t love him now, I just have so many other things to read.

I wonder if I would have picked him up if I’d known he’d killed his wife playing William Tell? It wasn’t premeditated murder or anything–they were both drunk when it was decided (I’m not sure by whom) that it would be a good idea for William to shoot a gin and tonic off Joan’s head. He hit her face. She died, and he fled all possibility of punishment.

Finding this out colored my perception of him, but before that I had all those lovely moments with his stories, with his steam powered dildo, his talking asshole, and all his other skits. My stronger impression was of William S. Burroughs, the author, not William S. Burroughs, the drunken murderer.

Now, with social media, you can’t even make a poor attempt at satire without having to offer an apology. (Cached version of the original post here.)

Did Hugh Howey lose some business with that post? Yeah, yeah he did. Am I sorry that this is my first introduction to his writing, and not his book, which is currently in my TBR pile? Yes, honestly. It’s just, it was bad. Comedy, and specifically satire, is not easy. I’d rather my first experience with him be good.

Howey doesn’t strike me as much of an asshole though. Life will continue for him.

What about those authors whose idea of marketing is declaring things like: Suck my dick! Buy my book! The authors who spam social networking sites with their ugliness, like a small child that misbehaves to get attention. There was a time when their bad behavior was limited to a small subset of those around them, those who are directly affected by their behavior.

Now, they can go on Reddit, Twitter, GoodReads, WordPress, and spread their shit like a conscientious farmer. Will there be anymore great asshole authors, or will they all crash and burn before their careers start? Should we trust on these rare geniuses overwhelming misanthropy to keep them away from social media long enough for them to make their debut? Or will their overbearing egos cause them to seek and audience, and then crash and burn before they make their pen their opus?

While the changes wrought by technology aren’t necessarily bad, they’re still changes. I find myself writing shorter and shorter paragraphs, largely because they seem to read better on my Kindle. New words and tropes filter into our stories. We communicate with our readers and each other in different ways. It will be interesting to see if there are any new Bukowskis among this generations literary greats, or if assholes get the cold shoulder in the world of social media. I think some will survive. People will tolerate a fair amount, provided you’re able to entertain them.

Geordi Loves Cthulhu

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Geordi Loves CthulhuGeordi’s parents didn’t do him any favors when they named him after their favorite Star Trek character, or when they sent him to a private school full of rich white kids. Always awkward and overwhelmed by crowds, he stuck to himself. College was when he was supposed to grow up and get over being a teenager, but instead he got better at avoiding people. One day, he challenges himself to compete in a cosplay competition at an anime convention. Geordi’s blown away when he wins third place and even makes a few friends. He thought it was the beginning of a change, and he didn’t know how right he was.

Warning: This dubious consent erotica contains hot sex with tentacle aliens.

Excerpt:

He dragged me before him and his blue eyes glowed with fury. He seized each of my limbs and held me spread-eagle in the water.

I closed my eyes, expecting him to tear through my body. The rough tips of his tentacle touched my face. The hard suckers opened my lips. His hands smoothed over the muscles of my arms, and something hard nudged my thigh.

He kissed me, his icy lips lightly brushing over mine. A firmer kiss on the corner of my mouth and then a pitter patter of kisses to my throat. He placed a lusty kiss there, taking a moment to worry my flesh with his broad, flat teeth.

I moaned a little and, to my shame, ground on his thigh. It turned me on, his brute strength, his power over me.

He embraced me and rubbed his cheek against my face, his skin cool and sleek against mine. My cock jumped. I was his to command, his to ravage. I trembled and turned my mouth to him, joining our lips.

He loosened his grip, and for a moment I clung to him. Remembering myself, I had been kidnapped off the streets and surgically altered to breathe underwater, I shot to the surface. The sensuous way his appendages unwound from my limbs—the tips of the suckers trailing on my flesh—made me want to go back into the water, but my stubbornness wouldn’t allow it.

Amazon/Smashwords

I'm using up those Amazon free days! I

Reblogged from Lindsey Flinch Bedder's Blog!:

I'm using up those Amazon free days! I have three smut stories for Kindle that are FREE this weekend. Spanking! Pee! Surgical robots! That's like the whole cycle of life right there. Download and take a look!

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Free pee smut, what more do you want out of life? Oh, more free smut, well there's a medical story and some spanking for free too!

Crocus Extravaganza!

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From Old House Gardens, a chipmunk proof species of crocus (Tommies).

From Old House Gardens, a chipmunk proof species of crocus (Tommies).

The Tommies, hiding from the cold.

The Tommies, hiding from the cold.

Tommies again, sprawled open in the sun.

Tommies again, sprawled open in the sun.

Tommies again. How pretty they are.

Tommies, so lovely when they’re open.

Nothing fancy--picked these up at the hardware store.
Nothing fancy. Picked these up at the hardware store.

The veining is so pretty on these.
I love the veining on these.

Here they are, opening up in the warmth.

Here they are, opening up in the warmth.

Another crocus from the hardware store.

Another crocus from the hardware store.

 

Here they are, showing off all that sexy pollen.

Here they are, showing off all that sexy pollen.

Closed in the early morning, dark purple, and limned in silver, we have the very un-PC heirloom species, Negro Boy.

Closed in the early morning, deep purple and limned in silver, we have the very un-PC heirloom species, Negro Boy.

 

Negro Boy again. I'm actually glad Old House Gardens choose not to white-wash the past, and stuck with the original name.

Negro Boy again. I’m actually glad Old House Gardens choose not to white-wash the past, and stuck with the original name.

From another angle, and still just as lovely, I give you more Negro Boy.
From another angle, and still just as lovely, I give you more Negro Boy.

I think this is a Negro boy, sitting right next to a fat white crocus from the hardware store. They make a pretty couple.

I think this is a Negro boy, sitting right next to a fat white crocus from the hardware store. They make a pretty couple.

 

No idea what kind of mutant crocus this is.

No idea what kind of mutant crocus this is.

 

I should be ashamed of myself…

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On Easter, I didn’t call my sister. Not because I don’t like my sister, but because I loathe phones. I will think of any excuse to not call people. In my mind, she spent all day at church or visiting her friend for dinner. Part of it is the fact that I’m going deaf, and with the lousy cell connection we get at our house, phone conversations can be a little embarrassing. I’m either going, “What? What?” or I’m having a hard time following along with what’s said. I blame it on the rock and roll concerts and my love of eating ibuprofen (om nom nom!).

Other things I should be ashamed of?

Ogling Russian conscripts. Want another smile? Here you go! Oddly enough, the title of this picture does not translate to, “And this one’s for the ladies!” (Here’s the link to his Instagram profile. I highly recommend killing some time with it and Google Translate.)

And that the last thing I’m ashamed of? (At least for right now, I’ll probably add “giving myself a stomach ache from eating brownies” to the list later.)

I spent way too much time on April Fools’ Day playing with hats on Reddit.

Anything you should be ashamed of? Feel free to share.

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