I’ve got a bag of frozen corn jammed between my wrist and the bottom of my keyboard shelf

Tags

carpal tunnel, ergonomic keyboard, good writing habits, tendinitis, wrist injuries, writing injuries

It’s pretty much my bag of corn at this point. Every now and then, I grab it out of the freezer, wrap it up in a tea towel and press my aching wrists to it. “Every now and then” translates to whenever I get my period. It makes my tendinitis so much worse. I take diuretics sometimes, which helps with the swelling. I’ve got physical therapy in my future. If they hurt like this all the time, I would have been in there long ago.

It’s not self-pity that prompted this blog post (I’ve already napped on my husband and dog, which is as good as moping), but rather alarm. Here I am wishing for another bag of corn to make a cold wrist frozen corn sandwich, and I’m reading about people typing on tablet keyboards and laptops. I worry about the ergonomics of it. I worry about chiclet keyboards and angles and stretching breaks. I worry whether people have health insurance to pay for physical therapy if they need it, and how easy is it for them to get there and whether they can get any decent recommendations.

I worry because I wrecked my wrists when I was twelve or thirteen, and again when I was thirty. In some ways, it’s probably not fair of me to assume that others will make my mistakes. But just in case anyone is, I’d like to talk about them.

My first and original sin was simply typing too much. Ergonomic keyboards were just starting to come out then, and as soon as the doctor suggested it, we got one. I still needed a round of physical therapy. I remember being relieved I didn’t have carpal tunnel, doing a nice cozy paraffin treatment, and also a series of physical exercises and stretches which I still do.

The second time it happened, I should have seen it coming. I mean, the obvious conclusion of my love affair of sitting on the couch, writing with my netbook was my wrists breaking. At least in hindsight. Now, I use Dragon dictation software. The thing is though, I still need my wrists. I click around the Internet, make awful covers on GIMP (not for this pen name), and other non-computer related activities, like making dinner and digging around in the dirt. So, Dragon isn’t really the panacea to my tendinitis, but rather another tool.

For the people who are reading this, who aren’t at the point where they’re snuggling with frozen vegetables, I’m going to make a list of tools I use. I would pick them up now, and get familiar with them, and hope this will ever keep you from needing them in earnest. In no particular order:

Take breaks. Watch a video or something, but do something that doesn’t involve your wrists to give them a break.

Learn stretches. Make use of that information now, lest you be forced to use it in the future.

Learn about posture. We know enough know about these types of injuries that you should be able to look at yourself while you’re typing and identify what you’re doing right or wrong. When I was using my netbook, my hands were always very close together, with my wrists at a somewhat awkward angle. I should’ve stopped typing on it long before I did.

Get the right equipment. You know the drill, wrist braces, ergonomic keyboard, etc. Maybe the problem is, you’re not thinking about it right. Your ability to write stories is your bread and butter, and by extension of that, so are your wrists. If you want to succeed in writing, you’re going to need to write. I still write, though I do my best to avoid typing.

Dragon dictation software. You’re going to have to be patient with it, and buy a new headset, but it’s worth it.

Pay attention. If your wrists start bothering you, pay attention to the type of pain, and pay attention to what makes it worse. Modify behaviors as necessary (even if that means holding your beer bottle with two hands, like a creepy ball-jointed doll). And if you can, ask for help.

Don’t be stubborn, go to the doctor. If you can, for reals, just get your butt in there. Yes, this is the ultimate case of the pot calling the kettle black, but I think of it as speaking to my brethren. Also, the previous step is important here. You’ll need to be able to describe the type of pain you’ve been experiencing to your doctor so he/she can figure out whether you have tendinitis, carpal tunnel, or some other fun thing.

I hope, at the very least, after reading this, you assess the commodity attaching your hands to your forearms. They are important. You do need them. You should make sure to take good care of them.

Lessons from Philip Glass’s Orphée

Tags

orphee, philip glass, Writing, writing advice, writing tips from the opera

Last Sunday, I went to go see Philip Glass’s opera, Orphée, which was wonderful. It was my first modern opera, and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. While it lacked the grand scenes I love in opera, where everyone is on stage singing (like the “Te Deum” in Tosca), the score was lovely and lyrical. I enjoyed the set, and the way the performers moved through it. The singing was of course beautiful. But in between reading the subtitles, enjoying the music, and keeping an eye on the Princess, I found myself thinking of writing.

In this modern retelling of the Orpheus myth, Orphée is a hipster poet. The opera opens with him moping at a raging party in a swank apartment, and unlike any other opera I’ve been to, we stay in the swank apartment. No curtains dropped, no moving scenery. The space changes as the people moving through it change. A boisterous crowd warms the white space. When they leave, the space feels big and empty, setting the stage for death. The subtle marching rhythm of the music takes us on a journey through the underworld. Blatting trumpets accompany the agitated entrance of Aglaonice and the Commissioner. With Eurydice’s unhappy mien, the audience understands they’re witnessing a moment of domestic misery. Three judges on a bench, sitting stiff as boards, holding their teacups, transform a living room into a courtroom.

And what’s the lesson here? With the same story, we can tell many different truths. Who we put in the story, the tone we choose, the way they move through the space, are all tools we can use to shape our stories. A fantasy story with dragons and elves can be about anything, just as much as there will always be a boy meets girl story with a new spin. In many ways, there isn’t really anything new to write about—all the sets have already been built and used if you will. That doesn’t mean you can’t find a new way to use the same space.

Another element handled beautifully in Orphée was the theme of mirrors. With the help of the pair of gray gloves, the characters use mirrors to travel to the underworld. Instead of having the singers pass through a curtain, or simply walk off stage, their doubles join them on the stage. So as we watch Orphée in the Princess make their journey, another Orphée and Princess walk away from them. At times, these doppelgängers expressed emotions that were only undercurrents in the interactions between the two original characters (like when Eurydice and the Princess’s henchmen Heurtebise canoodle in the background). The set itself featured a chaise lounge and lamp set up so they mirrored each other. There was a pair of motorcyclists. When the judges take statements, you can’t help but notice their symmetry—tall, short, tall—whether they’re seated or standing. The production didn’t neglect the most obvious physical aspect of a mirror either. The set featured shimmering cascades of silver beads, adding to the chic look and incorporating the aesthetics of the mirror onto the set. Although, occasionally a bit of reflected light flashed over the audience, so there may have been an actual mirror on the left part of the stage, where I could not see. A glazier also joined the cast during one of their travels through the underworld, and tucked under his arm, was a mirror.

The theme of mirrors is reflected in many different ways, from the physical set itself, to the way the characters travel through the mirrors (their doubling), to even a character carrying a mirror. Likewise, when you want to incorporate a theme like flowers into your text, they are myriads of ways to do it. When describing colors, you can use words like rose-red, violet, periwinkle, and verdant, which all bring to mind flowers. For verbs, you have a variety to pick from: grow, sprout, blossom, bloom, bud, twine, hedge, etc. Nouns also provide you with a veritable bouquet of words that will suit your purpose. Metaphors come easily. I suggest writing a million of them and keeping the few that really work. It’s also quite simple to incorporate the object itself. Your character can receive, or admire, some flowers. And of course, you can work in some larger significance of the theme. Flowers can represent growth and change, or they can be a symbol of love, whatever you like.

Really, this is the power of a blank page, of an empty stage. You can fill it however you like. You can turn conventions on their heads, or follow the rules. And the whole world is there for you to take inspiration from—be it the kipple that constitutes reality TV to a chance encounter with a stranger to a museum full of saucy Greek vases.

To DRM or Not to DRM?

Tags

drm, e-book piracy, piracy, self-publishing

I’m sorry, I know someone probably already used this title. I couldn’t think of any dick jokes. For that matter, everyone loves ripping off Shakespeare for their titles (I could probably write an article on Smutwriters about everyone having Shakespearean puns as titles).

If you’re new in the self-publishing world, you’ve probably asked yourself this question. I remember for my very first story, the very first time I used KDP, I looked at that little box with it’s attached warning that once you make a choice, you can’t change your mind!

I didn’t hesitate though. I opted for DRM free, and I always will. The reality is, I’m way more likely to annoy a legitimate customer than prevent someone from pirating my book. I mean, c’mon, nerds are smart. They enjoy solving problems like this and then sharing their solutions with others. I remember at my husband’s job, they blocked Gmail. He immediately figured out a way around it, and discovered that now chat was enabled, so we could discuss the grocery list while when he had some downtime (I know, married life is sexy, calm down and take a cold shower).

There’s also the ubiquity of piracy. Like, if you asked me whether I pirated anything, I would probably say no. I mean, I don’t, do I? But we all have a few burned CDs around, we’ve probably watched some free hentai online, and probably watched a pirated movie at a friend’s house.

The thing with piracy, it kind of blends into sharing. I mean, I wouldn’t expect Charles Seife to get indignant about people lending his books around to friends. And it’s not a bad thing either. When my husband and I were first dating, he lent me Decoding the Universe which I loved. I’ve since bought it as a gift for family and friends. Of course, the modern version of CD is a zip-drive. You give your friends a bunch of MP3s, and if you’re like me you probably end up spending some money on some new music.

So, part of my stance about piracy is due to my natural attitude to shrug my shoulders, and think it’s really nothing to get my knickers in a twist about. Some people might not buy my work, but they probably wouldn’t have bought it anyways. Some other people might end up buying my work, which is awesome. If they pirate half of my work, and purchase half of it, that’s still money I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

The reality is, with places like Literotica, there’s tons of smut out there for free anyways, and some of it is surprisingly good. People will give away free awesome smut. That’s not going to stop people from buying smut though. And just because you might be able to pirate my work somewhere, it doesn’t mean people aren’t going to buy it.

Blog tour, what blog tour?

Tags

blog tour, Erotica, erotica writing, optimistic mommy blogger, the vampire's gallery

So… I scheduled a blog tour for The Vampire’s Gallery a while ago. I’ve learned a few things:

1: A month is too bloody long. (On #NALitChat it was suggested three weeks max, two better).

2: Filling out eight or so interviews doesn’t seem like ton of work but it is. After a while I ran out of what I hoped were endearing/clever things to say.

3: You need to promote it. If Twitter leaves you feeling all thumbs and FB BURN IT WITH FIRE you might be better off spending your money on something else. May I suggest gin? New Amsterdam has that nice “physically assaulted by a pine tree” flavor I go for in my gin.

I know it sounds all doom and gloom. The good things? I got an awesome review, thanks to Courtney at Optimistic Mommy. The people at Sizzling PR are super responsive. Like, if you have good social network, go talk to them. If I had to do it again, I’d wait until everything was published before scheduling, and then do, at max, a two week tour. I would go with someone else to. The reality is, I don’t think the blogs I was scheduled at received a lot of traffic, and so my book didn’t get a lot of traction. I was going to give away some prizes too, but that all seemed to fall through the cracks.

Vinegar and Honey: The Asshole Author in the Age of Social Media

Tags

asshole authors, hugh howey, social media, vinegar and honey

I went through this phase where I would stay up all nice watching IFC (sleeping has never been a skill of mine). I saw a lot of weird shit. The film, Naked Lunch, still stood out for it’s strangeness. It was my first introduction to William S. Burroughs, an author I loved in my late teen/early twenties. Not that I don’t love him now, I just have so many other things to read.

I wonder if I would have picked him up if I’d known he’d killed his wife playing William Tell? It wasn’t premeditated murder or anything–they were both drunk when it was decided (I’m not sure by whom) that it would be a good idea for William to shoot a gin and tonic off Joan’s head. He hit her face. She died, and he fled all possibility of punishment.

Finding this out colored my perception of him, but before that I had all those lovely moments with his stories, with his steam powered dildo, his talking asshole, and all his other skits. My stronger impression was of William S. Burroughs, the author, not William S. Burroughs, the drunken murderer.

Now, with social media, you can’t even make a poor attempt at satire without having to offer an apology. (Cached version of the original post here.)

Did Hugh Howey lose some business with that post? Yeah, yeah he did. Am I sorry that this is my first introduction to his writing, and not his book, which is currently in my TBR pile? Yes, honestly. It’s just, it was bad. Comedy, and specifically satire, is not easy. I’d rather my first experience with him be good.

Howey doesn’t strike me as much of an asshole though. Life will continue for him.

What about those authors whose idea of marketing is declaring things like: Suck my dick! Buy my book! The authors who spam social networking sites with their ugliness, like a small child that misbehaves to get attention. There was a time when their bad behavior was limited to a small subset of those around them, those who are directly affected by their behavior.

Now, they can go on Reddit, Twitter, GoodReads, WordPress, and spread their shit like a conscientious farmer. Will there be anymore great asshole authors, or will they all crash and burn before their careers start? Should we trust on these rare geniuses overwhelming misanthropy to keep them away from social media long enough for them to make their debut? Or will their overbearing egos cause them to seek and audience, and then crash and burn before they make their pen their opus?

While the changes wrought by technology aren’t necessarily bad, they’re still changes. I find myself writing shorter and shorter paragraphs, largely because they seem to read better on my Kindle. New words and tropes filter into our stories. We communicate with our readers and each other in different ways. It will be interesting to see if there are any new Bukowskis among this generations literary greats, or if assholes get the cold shoulder in the world of social media. I think some will survive. People will tolerate a fair amount, provided you’re able to entertain them.

Please Remain Seated Until the Ride Comes to a Complete Stop

I’m reblogging this, because winter sucks and we could all use a little sunshine.

Please Remain Seated Until the Ride Comes to a Complete Stop.

Behind the Scenes: Soda and Lime

Tags

behind the scenes, Erotica, gay, pinterest, Vampire, Writing

I start with my characters, and sometimes, I don’t really move beyond the interior of those characters. It can leave readers a little bewildered as they fumble around a ill-defined world.

To solidify things, I’ve turned to Pinterest. In my story, Soda and Lime, the characters actually undertake a journey, stopping in four location before the end. I made a board for each of them, and thought about what these locations mean.

To make this even more fun, I’m not going to tell you a lot about the story.

Seedy Nightclub

This place is really about where Brutus is in his life: he’s a forty-five year old man trolling nightclubs for booty/a vampire to slay. He’s a bit out of place here, like he is among vampire slayers, who are normally retired by his age.

John is just desperately looking for blood, but he thinks he wants sex, because no one told him he’s a vampire and he’s just kind of denial that anything weird is going on.

This setting relies heavily on how we think about nightclubs, especially seedy ones. We assume they’re for young people, and we question your motives when you go there looking for more than a good time. This location reflects the emotional turmoil of both characters.

NYC

Brutus and John are here for only a night and I wondered about making an album, but then I found drugstore with a wonderful orange and pink sign, and a coffee shop with a man and a dog. I’m going back, rewriting this bit, and I’m adding these wonderful details.

Even though their stay is brief, Brutus continues on his important personal journey of opening up to John. As they’re on the run at this point (I mean, vampire slayers are supposed to kill vampires, not sleep with them), it works well plot wise. It’s so huge they can disappear, and it’s a busy shipping port, which of course brings us right to our next setting…

The Freighter

So much happens on the ship. Brutus and John grow closer. Questions are answered: why John was abandoned. New questions are raised: what is John going to turn into that the vampire that made him wanted him dead?

It’s really one of those, “You’re smarter than you think you are,” moments as a writer, because the setting reflects the plot, the characters.

Spanish Idyll

Everybody deserves a happy ending, even if it’s a Romeo and Juliet romance. For me, this is a place that very much doesn’t really exist. It really is all those amazing digitally manipulated pictures of that album (except that facade, that facade is there because it’s gorgeous). It’s what I felt like when I was kid reading Hemingway talk about fishing with a bottle of wine, because he really loved fishing and wine. It’s afternoons in gold, and easy love, and it’s perfect happiness, and because that’s not real, it doesn’t last.

It’s the perfect setting for the last act, because you’re watching, waiting for everything to come tumbling down.

I hoped you enjoyed my post (and haven’t gotten stuck on Pinterest). Check out the other participants in Behind the Scenes:

1. Anastasia Vitsky	2. Skye Warren
3. Amber Lin	4. Karla Doyle
5. Linzy Antoinette	6. Gemma James
7. Stevie Carroll	8. Jessie Lansdel
9. Sara Barnard “party. of. six”	10. So I Said. . .
11. Siren A. Star	12. Tasha L. Harrison

OMFG Look Who’s on Twitter

Tags

fears, social media, twitter, Writing

It’s me!

I know, that’s terribly unexciting. It was a big step for me. In Shanna Germain’s class, she advises us to conquer that which we fear. It doesn’t matter how much (or how little) natural talent a writer has, those who deal with their fears will succeed, and those who don’t, fail. And that’s how I ended up on Twitter. I have general social media fears AND some specific to Twitter.

My fears include tweeting about the wrong thing. Examples: My husband bought a 1 lb. bag of carrots, and it only has five carrots in it! I found a brown gelatinous substance in the backyard while picking up dog crap! Something about Bravo’s Real Housewives–f’ing love me some Housewives.

More opportunities to say something stupid/engage in drama. You know that salty bastard you turn to when you need an opinion that resembles a lead pipe? Yeah, that’s me, only I’m a woman, which makes it a little disarming for some people when I do open my mouth. They’re just not expecting it. I really need to dampen that down on the internet, because there’s no tone. (Can you tell I’m kinda sleepy right now? As long as I don’t fall asleep on the keyboard, I think we’re good.) Something that you would laugh at me saying in person, or understand was blunt but good-natured, will come off totally differently stripped of my facial expression, body language, and vocal intonation.

As far as drama, we’ve all seen internet drama. Hell, I should have been writing last Saturday, but I was on Facebook, watching drama. It’s not like it makes me happy, but I can’t look away either. It’s like watching a celebrity implode. I will admit to wanting some popcorn, with that gross fake butter that gives you cancer, but I don’t care as long as it’s hot.

I’m also to an extent, thin-skinned. I deal with that by patting my feelings on my head and sending them on their way, and generally it works. If it doesn’t, well, a better analogy would be a bezoar which I manage to hack up a few weeks later (if that doesn’t work, I could just drink a shit ton of Coke apparently). Sometimes I listen to death metal, really loud. Not Metallica, Dew Scented.

Regardless of how I deal with my feelings, they’re always there, quick to surface and stifle reason. My own nonsense I can deal with, we’re good friends. It’s other people who throw me for a loop, and because of that, I can get squicked out from everything to a phone call to an email. You would think three star interviews would make my cry, but I don’t think it’s the actual rejection/meanness that bothers me (or in the case of the three star review I’m thinking of, her honesty), but my own anticipation of it, my own awkwardness that feels thick on my limbs.

That could be the core of my fear–that I just can’t fake social grace. Cringe-worthy moments are awful enough when they happen in real time, but social media is a record, preserving those moments for posterity.

Writing Hacks

Tags

writing hacks, writing tips, writing tricks

Here are a few tricks I use to keep myself motivated.

When editing is sucking the life from my muse, I write little 1,500 word snippets to keep my brain limber. I use the keywords people have used to find my blog to determine the subject. That way, it’s at least something I’m interested in (ex: hairy bear men, oh yeah baby). If you don’t have a blog, you could go on Amazon, find a favorite book, and use a few words that show up in the tag section, or write some fan fiction. I post it here and Literotica as a free read, and I get to remember why I’m writing in the first place—I like it.

Another problem we all run into is motivation. For this, you need a book, or something, that you like to read. No, don’t use Reddit or another such site. It needs to be a story, whether it’s some cheesy vampire smut on Literotica or a wrist-buster from Tor, because Reddit will suck your soul. Now, you need to set a goal and a reward, ex. for every 200 words I write, I get to read one page of this smut on Literotica. Or, for every 10% I edit (I often read things on my Kindle to edit) I get a page of smut (they’re long pages). Basically, your goal is to change a day where you would have been bummed out about being unproductive into a day when you get a little work done. Even if you end up doing more reading than writing, it’s better than none.

Marketing Strategies

Tags

Erotica, Marketing, Self-publish, smut

When it comes to selling smut, there are a lot of different attitudes about how to do it, and like most things, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Some people go with volume, producing mid-high range pieces, others write even more, of middling quality. Some writers put out only a few pieces of the highest quality. Really, the only constant is that all of these people have a back list.

I’ve got a little bit of a backlist, four pieces to be exact. Aubrey Watt (a wonderful author who will certainly be put on my blog list when I get around to it) did an AMA on Reddit, where she said don’t bother checking sales until you have ten pieces up. With that in mind, I’m going to self-publish Vanessa’s Affair (after all, Ellora’s Cave isn’t going anywhere), rewrite the bits of Vampire’s Gallery that needs work and get it out the door, and finish up with reworking Cthulhu Loves Geordi. I might make him an anime fan instead of Star Trek, because I’m actually into anime. Had I been thinking, I would written it that way to start with.

My marketing strategy is to offer decent work for free, while giving people the option to support me with money. I’ve been exploring the marvelous fonts available out there, and found one company, Misprinted Type, that has amazing free fonts, and a suite of ones to purchase at reasonable prices ($15-$40). I love that model. I’ll use a bunch of free fonts, and then buy one as a thank you. Obsidian Dawn does something similar. I’ve purchased commercial licenses for a few of her brush packs (not the ones I ended up using, of course). Regardless, it was a way to thank her for her hard work (at least, I think it’s a her).

Probably the biggest flaw of my strategy is thinking people are like me. I mean, I don’t pirate music/books. I don’t get my panties in a knot about people who do—hell, I don’t even use DRM when I publish. Even without the threat of a million dollar lawsuit, I probably wouldn’t download music. When someone gives me something nice, for free, the psychological effect on me is I want to return the favor.

The second biggest flaw is that it requires me to produce a fair amount of smut for free. The Princess of Cleves was kind of a practice run. I’m happy she’s found people to read her. What I post here every other Thursday, and my smut-on-demand piece on Literotica are another thing entirely. While they’re a lifesaver when I’m editing, sometimes they can be distracting.

Then, there’s the blog itself. While I’ve come to enjoy blogging, the main point of this was to get my books out there, etc. I don’t know if it’s really working for me. I don’t think many people who come here click on a link for a book, let alone buy one. This isn’t an attempt to garner pity, just the statement of facts. It’s my hope by having the book covers on the side, people will look more often. We’ll see how that goes. If it was a matter of people checking out my books then not buying them, I’d just lower the price.

The other great adventure is my participation in SmutWriters (see badge). You should check it out! There’s information for all manner of writers there, with reviews of software, tips on making covers and getting reviews.