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Antoinette M–

~ The Chronicles of a Smut Monger

Antoinette M–

Monthly Archives: May 2013

I love the Abbe

26 Sunday May 2013

Posted by antoinettemsmut in Books

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

17th century France, abbe de choisy, sexy quotes, transvestites

I love reading non-fiction. Its influence creeps into my writing in so many ways. The notion of all the vampires lying around in Jamie’s bed was inspired by the 17th century French custom of offering guests your bed (more on that later—it’s good, I promise). Oftentimes I’m surprised how risqué it can be, like when Madame de Sevigne writes to her daughter about her son’s impotence, or when she casually talks about meeting his mistresses.

The Transvestite Memoirs by the Abbe de Choisy offers some of the most salacious fare I’ve run into. He describes his love’s bosom thus: “They were two little apples, quite white, whose shape could be seen, with a little rosebud on each; she put a large round patch between them to accentuate their whiteness.” (Pg. 53)

His preferred method of seduction? He pretended to be a woman. He made sure to go out and to be admired—the Abbe was quite vain. In France, one of the places to be seen, besides the theater and opera, was the late mass, also known as the Belle’s mass. It was there the Abbe overheard someone say, “But is it really true that that is a man? He is quite right pass himself off as a woman.” (Pg. 35)

With his guise, he convinced nobles to leave their daughters in his hand. He offered to teach them to dress their hair, and in the case of Mlle. de la Grise, he taught her much more. “Indeed the pain soon vanished, and the tears of suffering became tears of pleasure. She held me with all her strength and said not a word.” (Pg. 77) Later on, he has her mother over, and he mentions how he thoughtfully had the sheets changed.

What I found surprising was Mlle. de la Grise had no idea as to the Abbe’s sex, or sex in general. He compares Mlle. de la Grise (Agnes) with another woman who was a little worldlier, “She would never believe, like Agnes, that babies came through the ear.” (Pg. 80)

One of his favorite moments with Agnes was when he had some guests over. Remember when I mentioned them sharing beds with their guests? The Abbe recounts the night he had Mme. Gaillot over:

She came over and I took her in my arms and made her pass over to the grande ruelle. She was on her back and I was on the left side, my right hand on her breast, our legs intertwined. I bent completely over her to kiss her.

“See,” I said to Madame Gaillot, “she is quite unfeeling. She makes me do the running and does not respond to the affection I give her.”

Meanwhile I was advancing the engagement, kissing her mouth which was redder than coral, and giving her at the same time more solid delights. She had not the control to restrain herself and said, half aloud, with a great sigh: “Ah! That’s wonderful!” (Pg. 85)

It is wonderful Agnes. The Abbe himself thought having an audience increased the pleasure. Thank goodness in his old age the Abbe sat down to pen his memoirs. I still have Aspects of the Embassy to Siam to read. It’s kind of an odd couple thing—the frivolous Abbe was sent on a long sea voyage with a very serious man.

Getting Wet and Wild in the Library

19 Sunday May 2013

Posted by antoinettemsmut in Uncategorized

≈ 55 Comments

Tags

amazon gift card, blog hop, erotica blog hop, victoria's secret gift card, wet and wild blog hop

wildhopThanks for stopping by for the Wet and Wild Blog Hop!

Enter your email address below to enter a $10 gift card from Amazon and one of the Grand Prizes, a $100 gift card from Victoria’s Secret or a digital gift basket of hot smut! Don’t forget to visit other blogs for more chances to win.

When I was kid, summer meant one thing to me: more time to read. We didn’t have a big library in my town, but I found enough to keep me busy. One day, when I was about thirteen or so, I decided I’d read some Literature. I had vague notions about Hemingway, so I went and picked up a book by him.

I just happened to grab The Garden of Eden. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was a very special moment in a young girl’s life. It was my first dirty book.

“He held her tight around her breasts and he opened and closed his fingers feeling her and the hard erect freshness between his finger.” Pg. 17

“Then their lips were together and he felt her body against his and her breasts against his chest and her lips tight against his and then open, her head moving from side to side and her breathing and the feel of his belt buckle against his belly and in his hands.” Pg. 151

I’d never read anything like it. Both I and my hormones were mesmerized by those words. I read it again recently, and discovered my memory had magnified the amount of those passages, but not their ability to make me squirm, thighs pressed together tight, as I read.

The things Catherine did to David (as a teenager I’d reread those bits, slack-jawed with awe, wondering if it meant what I really thought it did: butt stuff), and then Catherine and Marita, and David and Marita. No wonder I grew up to write perverted novels. This was hot stuff, hiding out in literature!

I went on to read Norman Mailer (who did not disappoint), Jane Auel (no disappointment there either), Wally Lamb. All books relatives would nod at me for reading then blink once they realized there was SEX in them.

Sometime soon after that, I took up watching movies all night on IFC and William Burroughs. I was always very happy knowing, if my parents knew what I was watching or reading, they’d be horrified.

So, readers, what was your first dirty novel? Does it still hold a special place in your heart? Comment below, with your email address, for chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card and the grand prizes. Don’t forget to check out other participating blogs! Also, I’m giving out complimentary copies of my novel, The Vampires Gallery. Leave your preferred format below (.mobi, .epub, or PDF) and I’ll send it over.

One last thing: to avoid spam, it’s generally recommended to enter your email as such: antoinette.emdash (at) gmail (dot) com, or something similar. After all, you want an announcement that you won a Victoria Secret’s Gift Card in your inbox, not an ad for Viagra!

WetAndWildGrandPrizes

I wish more doctors were like this…

18 Saturday May 2013

Posted by antoinettemsmut in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

gay health, gay health threat, gay men, menigitis, one awesome doctor vs. disease, vaccination, vaccines

No, not hot and gay, but creative and passionate. Dr. Daskalakis goes to clubs in NYC where gay men engage in risky activity and vaccinates them against a new threat–a deadly strain of meningitis that seems to be targeting gay men. Not a lot is known about the disease, other than it’s story is playing out like the HIV/AIDS epidemic, hitting drug users and gay men. All we really know is that dying of a swelling of the lining of your spine and brain sucks, and Dr. Daskalakis is working to stop it. He’s being provided with free vaccines, to go where others can’t, and vaccinate at risk populations. Go doctor!

Read the full story in The New York Times.

Blog tour, what blog tour?

15 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by antoinettemsmut in Writing (Amateur)

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

blog tour, Erotica, erotica writing, optimistic mommy blogger, the vampire's gallery

So… I scheduled a blog tour for The Vampire’s Gallery a while ago. I’ve learned a few things:

1: A month is too bloody long. (On #NALitChat it was suggested three weeks max, two better).

2: Filling out eight or so interviews doesn’t seem like ton of work but it is. After a while I ran out of what I hoped were endearing/clever things to say.

3: You need to promote it. If Twitter leaves you feeling all thumbs and FB BURN IT WITH FIRE you might be better off spending your money on something else. May I suggest gin? New Amsterdam has that nice “physically assaulted by a pine tree” flavor I go for in my gin.

I know it sounds all doom and gloom. The good things? I got an awesome review, thanks to Courtney at Optimistic Mommy. The people at Sizzling PR are super responsive. Like, if you have good social network, go talk to them. If I had to do it again, I’d wait until everything was published before scheduling, and then do, at max, a two week tour. I would go with someone else to. The reality is, I don’t think the blogs I was scheduled at received a lot of traffic, and so my book didn’t get a lot of traction. I was going to give away some prizes too, but that all seemed to fall through the cracks.

The Quest for Magnificent Meatloaf

09 Thursday May 2013

Posted by antoinettemsmut in Food

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

comfort food, martha stewart, meatloaf, recipe, thyme

Before we begin, may I suggest that you who live in a home find a bit of dirt and stick some thyme in it? It grows like weed, and you can pick it in the winter. Altogether a lovely herb. I throw a few fresh sprigs in everything.

Now, like any quest for the perfect food, you need a good base. For me that’s Martha Stewart’s Classic Meat Loaf recipe. The mix of meats she recommends is perfect, as are the meat/veggie/bread ratios. I wouldn’t make this with less that the 2.25 lbs of meat recommended (the onions will kick you in the teeth otherwise), but you could certainly play with what meats you use! I dispense with the parsley altogether and substitute the divine thyme. I normally grab around 5 or 6 sprigs. I also save the heels from loaves of bread to make my crumbs (5 should be plenty).

I know, that’s disappointing, a Martha recipe and a substitution of thyme for parsley–but wait, there’s more!

Getting everything the right size and mixed well makes a difference. I like a food processor and a giant honking bowl. After you have you 2.5 cups of crumbs in your giant bowl, add your carrot, celery, thyme, and garlic to the food processor. If you’re tempted to do more than two cloves, I’d resist this time. Do a couple of quick pulses, just to get everything a little coarser, and then add the onion. If you add everything all at once, you’ll liquefy the onion while trying to get the carrot and celery nice and small.

My next deviation in the recipe involves making the sauce. Now, in the name of dirtying as few dishes as possible, I use a 1 cup container to measure the breadcrumbs. I then add about 1/4 a cup of ketchup to that, and get it into the bowl. Next, I add a little under a 1/2 cup of ketchup to the measuring cup. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, we’re making our glazing sauce in that measuring cup. I like to add mustard/Worcestershire sauce/Sriracha to both portions. I don’t measure! Sometimes it comes out spicier than others. Don’t forget to add the brown sugar to the glaze (I use some amount).

To mix stuff well, I tear little hunks off the meat, half of each kind, stir everything around, then tear up the remainder before getting all, “Yeah, meatloaf, squish, ah-huh.” I don’t actually say that. If anything I’m wishing I had a hand free for my Yuengling.

Here we’ve come to my last deviation–I like a free standing meatloaf. I generally set this up before I get all meat-fisted. Put some foil on a baking sheet, shiny side up, and spray it with Pam. You’d think meatloaf would be self-lubricating, but it sticks like a bitch! Now, form a loaf. I couldn’t tell you the dimensions of the ones I make beyond that I pat it into a pleasing shape. Now paint it all over with that tasty glaze.

I think it cooks quicker not in a loaf pan, but I normally leave it in for the full hour and twenty minutes because the ketchup gets tasty. It should be good in a hour (I’d whip out your thermometer and double check, as ovens do deviate).

Antoinette M–

SmutWriters, A Resource for Writers and Readers

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