I should probably be ashamed to admit this, but I’m a bit of a pet dork. Yes, I’m one of those idiots you see fawning over their dogs, making stupid faces, muttering, “Schmoopy, schmoopy, schmoopy,” or some other interchangeable nonsense. For the other dog dorks out there, I’ve compiled this list of words which my husband and I use when talking to, or about, our dog, Popeye. Pictures at the end of list!
Bull-face: Used in close range to said face.
Chops or flues: Actually the technical terms for his floppy mouth bits. While it’s not necessary to use both, we always do.
Doggywampus: Bastardization of cattywampus. The state in which he leaves the bed after getting excited (sheets half off, and mattress dangling a foot off the edge).
Jerk face the dog hound: The longest nickname he has.
Hound (suffix): Bull-hound, lummox-hound (generally after he’s injured somebody), meat-hound, plow-hound (used when he’s plowing through the kudzu).
Kicking Time: When he’s stabbing my husband with his front paws and kicking my tits with his back paws.
Manifest Destiny: Used when he’s shoving my husband and I off the couch or bed.
Murdilate: Portmanteau of murder and mutilate. Basically, what he does to any small mammals he catches on our property.
Pink Maw of Doom: His mouth, which I swear I could play lion tamer with (you know, stick my head in his open jaws).
Sea Creatures: Those pink dangly things he’s got around his lips.
Wampus: Anytime he gets wound up, chasing his orange ball around the house like some giant white cat.
Woofertunity: An opportunity to bark at something, like deer and three fawns ambling down the street in the middle of the afternoon.
And here are the pictures! He’s an American bulldog (super fancy Southern porch hound). In a couple of these you can see him showing off those skills, looking magnificent on a porch. He enjoys the show Too Cute! because he likes looking at puppies and the mail woman because she pats him and gives him cookies.